Day Two

Day Two


The day starts with the need to explain to an insomniac 80 year old that 7:30 commuter slots are for people who work, and then signing an urgent sicknote for the person with back pain so bad that they were able to hightail it down to the surgery and stand and wait outside for the 15 minutes in the cold just to get it done. This must be done without coffee, because the sodding milk hasn't been delivered yet.

The morning's main task will be three consecutive appointments with Chronic pain patients who will require yet another explanation as to why a) you won't refer them again b) you won't give them any more drugs and c) you'd like them to stop expecting a cure. A "Dave" bonus can be awarded if you give them a big hug at the end. Points will be lost if you offer any further intervention, or if at any point you use the phrase "I sympathise, but...", because you don't.

Lunchtime requires you to sit through an hour long seminar on handwashing from a Nurse, who seems to not grasp the concept that every single one of you will have done a minimum of six months surgery and are fully conversant with how to wash your hands. She also will totally fail to understand that, a bit like the Highway Code, knowing what to do, doesn't mean you'll do it, and sitting through her boring little diatribe, isn't going to ensure any of this. Extra points are awarded for picking your nose through the presentation.

At this point anyone who hasn't tried to jump out of a third floor window, gets a point deducted simply for being stupid.

The day concludes with filling in a questionnaire on Controlled drugs, identical to the one you have filled in for the past 14 quarters. There will be no box that says "No change since last return", and you will have to fill in all the same details again. This will be sent to an email address and you will never hear anything about it all. Points are awarded for entering spurious comments (such as, "Yes I do use the Morphine returned by patients, for various personal projects" ) just to see if anything happens.