Day One

The poor incarcerated victims will be expected to spend an entire morning consulting in a small poorly ventilated room, after spending fifteen minutes with a patient, who will have rampant halitosis and body odour suggestive of something that rolled in a dead sheep. Extra points will be awarded for not gagging at any time. For an extra Cleggy bonus the competitor must have a conversation with his receptionist about booking the patient in last, not first, without using any swear words, or the phrase "you daft cow." Lunchtime entertainment will be provided by trying to find any medical reason whatsoever that Portia could not take part in TV filming. A letter will need to be provided for a TV Director, who wants reassurance that she's fit to be filmed. Points will be awarded for actually finding a reason she can't do it, and for composing a reply that includes the phrase "you moronic timewaster" Points will be lost for not attaching an invoice for at least £30. In the evening the rest period will be spent writing a report about commisioning that no-one will actually read. 2 hours must be spent doing it, clear and strict instructions will be given as to the format. The competitors will only be told it's not actually for anything useful after they've finished it.