Day Five

As we all know the General Public are absolutely fascinated by Hospital drama. We pay homage to that today with our Casualty special.


Task 1. Write a letter to your local A+E Consultant asking for a few bits of clarification. Case in point. Why did the 24 year old with right sided chest pain, which came on as he pulled a heavy wardrobe, was worse for movement and when the source of said pain could easily be located by prodding his chest with a finger, need a) Blood tests b) an ECG C) a six hour admission whilst the pillock who ordered them waited for the perfectly normal results.

Points will be used for including the following phrases. 1 ) Laughable 2) Risk averse bollocks 3) Waste of bleeding money and 4) For Christ's sake man, grow a pair.

Task 2. Compose a short letter asking for slightly more detail, following receipt of the following brief standard discharge note from your local center of excellence.. "Self referral. Arrived by car. Amputation both heads. Discharged"

Task 3. Write a courteous letter to the SHO who kindly suggested that you should follow up the pointless investigations she ordered on your patient, who as evidenced by them sitting opposite you, looking perfectly normal, did not need any fecking investigations yesterday morning. Extra points will be awarded for including the phrase.."I'm not your bleeding houseman, I know where I sit in the pecking order sunshine, and it's a lot of rungs above you, you little gopher.

Task 4. Dear Mrs Triage Nurse, why did you let Mrs Grotte, and her Zakk her walking menagerie, past your reception desk with his head lice at two o'clock this morning. What the hell in the description above your door in 2 foot letters do you not understand.